I Want To Feel Alive
by Amikotsu
Summary: At the age of twenty-two, Sasuke returns from his journey. His heart a ruined battleground, he hopes to find something, or someone, to fill the empty cup he refers to as his heart. His first step is to decide which route to take in his life. From there, he'll embark on another journey, one including a certain blond. Hints at past ItaSasu. Slow burn!
1. Wanderlust

**1\. Wanderlust**

 _"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger." — Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights_

* * *

At the end of his journey, he found nothing, exactly what awaited him in Konoha. Nothing. The moment Itachi died, everything fell apart, piece by piece, and then all at once. Sasuke retreated from his village. He'd left everyone behind. Again. In some ways, he'd died along with Itachi. Never mind the last moments the two shared; never mind the years they spent apart. They'd had something, and fate, destiny, the gods, the world, ruined them. Sasuke left on the journey to lighten the burden on his heart, but the bitterness grew to encompass him. He knew the bite of loneliness, the kind of loneliness accompanying a lack of purpose. Without the drive for revenge or the threat of war, Sasuke folded in on himself. He didn't know where to turn. He didn't know how to begin anew. He'd hit a proverbial wall. He'd reached the end of his journey, and yet the emptiness remained. He hadn't found a way to revive his brother, and he'd forsaken everyone for the mere possibility.

Overhead, a crack of lightning lit up the evening sky, connecting several of the ominous clouds in a blinding light. He didn't have an umbrella, not that he cared enough to carry one, so when the clouds eventually burst and the rain began pour down, he took refuge under a large grouping of trees. When the water droplets penetrated the canopy and cascaded off the leaves, the rain dropped onto his black cloak and onto his equally dark hair. He smelled of the forest surrounding him, of pine and spice. He tried to remember what his brother smelled like, but he couldn't. Without the photographs stored in his apartment, he would have lost the faces of his parents, like the way he lost their mannerisms and the sound of their voices. Eventually, Itachi would fade, just as the others had faded. No matter how hard Sasuke fought, no matter how much he refused to let Itachi go, he'd eventually be forced to relinquish his hold. Everything would disappear, and that would mark the beginning of a new life, supposedly a better life.

The rain picked up and thunder rolled across the little valley, the type of thunder that resonated in his chest and ignited something deep within his bones. The storm reminded him of the messy state of his life, the mess he'd escaped and the mess he hadn't. Nothing awaited him in Konoha, and yet obligations awaited him. He counted the obligations as nothing, and each person a separate no one. Naruto. Sakura. Love. Avoidance, his mind screamed; he knew nothing but avoidance. He'd loved once, and he'd lost. He didn't want to lose again. He couldn't take losing again. His heart had been ripped out, torn to shreds, and shoved back into his ribcage, expected to beat again and again. Damaged, oh how he felt like damaged goods. Who could want him? Who would want him? Sakura. Sakura, his mind screamed. If only he wanted her.

The storm took hours to end, but he moved from his safe haven and braved the elements. The rain soaked him to the bone. His black cloak clung to his body, accenting the fact that he had only one arm. He'd yet to allow Tsunade to repair the damage, the reminder of his battle. Some part of him wanted to remain with a single arm; some part of him wanted the excuse to lapse into the life of a civilian, to take up the path of peace his brother had so desired. He wanted to take the abandoned path, the path his love had not been able to travel, and he wanted to master the role of peacemaker. And yet, he had no idea what being a peacemaker meant, what the role entailed. Sasuke only knew the thirst for blood. He'd grown used to fighting. He only knew fighting.

At one point, he'd considered becoming Hokage, but the position really belonged to Naruto. An Uchiha didn't belong there, not really, and Sasuke had lost the drive so quickly that he recognized his own shortcomings. He'd lost his way. He'd been thrust into the unknown and he'd been floundering ever since. No, he didn't deserve to wear the hat of a Hokage. He'd been destined for other things, things he had yet to discover. Or maybe he hadn't been destined for anything at all. Maybe he'd fulfilled all his duties and had the rest of his life to live with the itch of wanderlust. The thought left him unsettled. He did want more for himself. He wanted so much more than the _nothing_ prescribed for him. And yet he wanted nothing at all. He was lost. He was confused. Maybe that confusion led the way, for he ended up at the gates of Konoha, looking like a stranger, a foreigner hoping for entry into the blossoming village, the recovering village.

"Sasuke?"

He heard her before he saw her, and he didn't know what to do when he did see her. She stumbled forward and pressed herself against him, and he wrapped his single arm around her. She held onto him as if he would disappear again, going on another five-year journey. But he had no such intentions. The wanderlust had retreated, for the time being. He hoped to find some sort of direction within the village, the direction he couldn't find outside of the village. He wanted to salvage the remains of himself and satiate the confusion. He had nothing and no one. His cup empty, he hoped to fill it with something, with someone, and yet no one would ever compare.

"Please stay," Sakura whispered. "Stay with me."

"Sakura," he breathed, taking in the scent of flowers that clung to her hair and her body. She was still some inches shorter than him, so he buried a kiss in her locks, and then the hug came to a close. He'd rejected her, without the words. He had no room in his heart for her, not when his heart still hoped and prayed for impossibilities.

"Come with me. There's someone who wants to see you," she said. She turned to lead the way, and he followed.

He assumed she led the way to the Hokage tower, and she did. He prepared to see Tsunade, but he saw Naruto, in all his blond glory. The man sat behind his desk, a desk littered with papers, books, and scrolls, and he looked like he belonged. He looked like he deserved the seat, and he did. The two men locked eyes, and Naruto jumped over his desk and darted at Sasuke. Naruto threw his arms around Sasuke, squeezing the man until Sasuke thought his ribs would break, and Sasuke lightly patted the blond on the back. Naruto wore the biggest grin imaginable, while Sasuke felt the subtle quirk of his own lips. He wore the ghost of a smile, the best he could manage then.

"Dobe," Sasuke said, addressing his friend. Yes, Naruto had earned the right to be called a friend, hadn't he? One person belonged in his empty cup, the cup associated with his heart.

"I'm the Hokage now, teme. You'd better show me more respect than that!" Naruto stomped one sandal-clad foot, much like a child, and Sasuke couldn't help but chuckle. Both of the room's inhabitants gasped and gawked at him, but his laughter, soon after, faded into silence. "Are you here to stay?"

The request he'd dodged before had resurfaced, in the form of a question, but he found himself nodding. Yes, he meant to stay, at least for some time, and he felt they both deserved to know the truth. He meant to restore his family compound, at the very least, and he meant to clean out his apartment. Without a doubt, both had remained untouched. He trusted both Naruto and Sakura that much.

"You'll have to be put on probation. You're still a missing nin. You left the village twice. You killed the former council members. You fraternized with the enemy." Naruto even winced when he read off my charges, but I remained neutral. Sakura had her fists clenched at her side, as if she meant to force Naruto to accept me, to pardon me. "You're lucky to be here right now. But I argued for you!" Naruto slammed a fist onto his desk and his stacks of papers swayed.

"I didn't ask you to go out on a limb for me," Sasuke said, a deep frown on his face. He licked his lips and then shifted on his feet. He didn't know what else to say to the blond. He was grateful, but also irritated. Defending the Uchiha could have cost Naruto the position of Hokage.

"You'd do it for us," Sakura emphasized. Sasuke stopped to consider her words, and then he slowly nodded, hesitant at first. "Shinobi stick together." Even he winced when he heard the words, but he forced himself to nod. He'd been a terrible kid, abandoning his village for revenge, and at seventeen, he'd abandoned everyone again. But Naruto and Sakura stood before him, forgiving him all over again. Even at twenty-two years old, he felt humbled, even if only for that moment.

"What about my apartment and the compound?" He hated to ask, but he had to know—he had to be sure.

"We've taken care of your apartment and the compound is still in your name," Sakura spoke up, smiling. Naruto have a thumbs up, and Sasuke couldn't help but smirk. He'd been right to assume his former teammates had his back. He'd been right to trust them with that much.

"What do I need to do for this probation?" Sasuke once again shifted on his feet, but he looked Naruto in the eyes. Naruto went behind his desk and began flipping through pages. When he found the one he wanted, he sat down and began reading.

"Newcomers—you would be a newcomer—are placed on a one-year probation. If you're accepted as a shinobi, you're not allowed to complete anything above a D-rank mission, and you can't leave the village unless accompanied by a shinobi of the Leaf, a shinobi of chunin rank or higher. You want to be a shinobi, right, Sasuke?" Naruto looked at Sasuke as if both of them knew the answer, but Sasuke hesitated, taking moments too long. "You're thinking about quitting?" Naruto stared at him in shock.

Sasuke knew he should have taken the route of peacemaker, the route of a civilian, but he opened his mouth to say otherwise. That was when Sakura spoke. "Can he change his mind later? Can he live as a civilian for now?" She had a look of determination behind her eyes, and both Sasuke and Naruto noticed. Naruto frowned, but he nodded.

"I'd like to be a civilian."

* * *

 **A/N:** Let me know what you think in a review, please! This is going to be a slow-burn story that develops into SasuNaru, with hints of past ItaSasu. If you don't like that, I'm sorry! I don't want to give away too much or I'd explain more. Trust me! Excuse any mistakes! :)


	2. History

**2\. History**

 _"It's always hard when you've known a person a long time and then you have to recognize that you have nothing left in common but your memories." — Eva Heller_

* * *

His footsteps echoed in the halls of the Hokage tower, as if promising him, warning him, that he'd soon visit the office again and swear his allegiance to the village once more. Once a shinobi, always a shinobi. And yet he refrained from turning around. He remembered the ideas he'd had, the ones previously circling through his head. Peacemaker. He could lead a peaceful life as a villager. He could retire to the Uchiha compound and begin rebuilding. He could start a family. The things his brother wanted for him; the things he wasn't quite sure he wanted for himself. When he left the tower, the rain hadn't let up, so his damp cloak instantly became soaked. At first, he shivered at the cold rain, but then the cold became a part of him, reaching right to his core.

"Here." Sakura stood next to him and extended an umbrella. She had to stand on her toes to make sure the umbrella covered his head. He took the umbrella from her and shielded the both of them from the rain, but only because she gave him the opportunity. He would have been fine walking to his apartment in the rain. "A lot has changed since you left," she spoke, voice quiet. Her breath turned to wisps of white, proving the cool conditions surrounding them. "Everyone has settled down and started families." Everyone but her, he inferred; everyone but Sakura.

He didn't know what to say to make her feel better. He felt like they were kids again, like she meant to convince him to stay merely by clinging to him. In her mind, he fit exactly what she wanted. She wanted an absentee husband with a love of betrayal and an unsettled heart. She wanted the wrong things. Yet she saw him as someone great. She saw everything good about him, even when he couldn't see the good in himself. "Hn," he replied, and she had the opportunity to read whatever she wanted then, whether she found something reassuring or otherwise. He'd rejected her enough, yet she still kept trying. Her persistence was both endearing and disappointing.

"Naruto is going to be a father soon. Shikamaru and Temari are expecting. Ino and Sai are expecting," she listed off, her words fading near the end. She wanted a family too, and she wanted a family with him. The only remaining piece of the puzzle, he didn't want to settle down, not with her. But at hearing Naruto was going to be a father, he couldn't help but snort, a rude response, yes, but necessary. "I know! I couldn't believe it either. Ino doesn't know what she's doing!" The rant that followed circled around Ino, while Sasuke's thoughts circled around Naruto.

Naruto. A father. Sasuke frowned, shaking his head from side to side. "Is it Hinata?" Even Sasuke knew about the Hyuga girl, about the crush she'd harbored on the blond. Their relationship made sense, if they were together. Sakura made a noise of affirmation, and the rising storm in Sasuke's chest receded. Yes, they made sense together. Sakura turned her head and smiled up at him, and he felt the corner of his mouth twitch upwards. "What is it?"

"You look good," Sakura said, her cheeks flushed. A flash of lightning. An explosion of thunder. He studied her face, from the way she bit her bottom lip to the way her eyes darted away from him. In some ways, she'd changed. In others, she'd remained the same. He looked away from her then and the two of them stopped outside of his apartment building.

The building had been one of a few that remained standing, though the foundation had to be repaired and reinforced. Some districts had remained untouched, such as the Uchiha compound and the Nara lands, while others, like the Hyuga compound, had to be rebuilt from the ground up. The village had been a mess, when he'd left, but reconstruction and advancements made the area look like an entirely different, entirely new place. Sasuke wondered if Tsunade had commissioned the rebuilding, or if it had fallen onto Naruto's shoulders. The two of them climbed up the outside stairs to the third floor, and they paused outside of his door. He held out the umbrella, the two of them shielded from the rain by an overhang of the roof. Another flash of lightning. A roar of thunder. She leaned into him again and wrapped her arms around his wet body. Slowly, hesitantly, he returned her hug.

"Welcome home," she spoke into his cloak. He didn't know if the village felt quite like _home_ , but he knew he felt some sense of comfort being within its walls. He let his arm fall from around her. She took a step back. He reached up above the frame of the door and popped out the wood, producing a single metal key. Both of them knew where he'd hidden the key. Most likely, Naruto knew too. "Maybe we could all go to dinner tonight."

"Yeah," he found himself saying. He didn't have any food in his apartment and he had little funds to go shopping. He'd endure a meal with the rest of the rookies if it meant having some food in his stomach.

"I'll send Naruto to grab you then," she grinned, her whole face lighting up. He didn't know that something as simple as accepting an offer for food would garner such a reaction. Her smile was beautiful and her eyes bright, but he wanted someone else standing before him, someone he'd never see again. She turned to go and he let her walk away. When she glanced back, she saw him closing the door to his apartment. Neither one commented when their eyes connected that final moment before the door finally _clicked_.

After the time he'd been gone, he had expected layers of dust and cobwebs to coat the interior of the apartment, but his former teammates had really taken care of the place. Someone had made the bed, disposed of the dying flowers he'd left atop the living-room table, and emptied the fridge and cabinets of food. Somehow, he couldn't picture Naruto doing any of those things, not when the Naruto of his past had such a filthy apartment. Oh yes, he remembered that rundown apartment.

Sasuke sighed and forced himself from his memories. First, he reached up and undid his cloak, then he grasped the fabric and pulled it from around himself. He flung water droplets everywhere, all across the floor and wall of his entryway, but he freed himself of the garment and hung it on one of the hook on the wall. He removed his wet sandals and sat them by the door to dry. His initial walkthrough had given him a general idea of where Sakura and Naruto had been, but as he passed into his bedroom and then into the attached bathroom, he saw that they'd left other things untouched. He still had soap in his shower. He still had deodorant in his medicine cabinet. How long had they been waiting for him to come home? Would they have ever surrendered hope? He knew, in his heart, that he needed the long journey, the journey that took him from nation to nation, from hidden village to hidden village. Even if he'd only managed to sate a portion of his desires, his cursed wanderlust, he'd satisfied his soul enough to go back to Konoha.

Dressing and undressing himself required a great deal of skill. As he moved, he felt the phantom pain coming from his missing arm. Between the phantom pain and his phantom limb, he struggled everyday. He removed his pants and briefs easy enough, but his mesh and his shirt took longer. At one point, he fell back on his bed and lay there, staring up at the images created by outside lighting and his slanted blinds. He did get his clothing off though, and he did it without assistance. On his journey, he'd met others just like himself, former shinobi without eyes, hands, legs, and arms, and yet they'd prospered, living their lives to the fullest. Sasuke still felt as if someone had carved into his chest, hollowing out the cavity, so what was the loss of a limb but another obstacle?

He thought that he'd have to shower with cold water, or heat water on the stove, but he found his shower had both hot and cold water. Sasuke gripped the side of the shower and stepped into the slippery tub. The moment the hot water hit his cold skin, he released a sigh of pure relief. His last hot shower had been weeks ago, at a mid-level inn located somewhere in the Land of Tea. He couldn't have pointed out the village even if he wanted to; the place hadn't mattered then and didn't matter afterwards. He was _home,_ after all. He ran his soapy hand over his chest and tilted his head back to catch some of the warm water on his face. Just as the water began to grow cold, someone knocked on his bathroom door. Only two people had access to his place, so he assumed Naruto had let himself inside.

"Hey! Hurry up! I have to go." Naruto knocked once more, most likely to hurry Sasuke along, and then retreated. Sasuke closed his eyes, removed the last of the soap from his body, along with the chill from the cold rain, and turned off the water. "You take forever," Naruto complained, his voice coming from the other side of the door.

"Maybe you should have used your own bathroom then, instead of bothering me to use mine, idiot," Sasuke growled. His frustration with his inability to knot the towel around his waist bled into his tone, and he even recoiled some at his vicious voice. Simply tucking one side of the towel in, he grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. Naruto stood there, one hand raised to knock on the door again. His eyes trailed down Sasuke's bare chest and down toward the line of the towel. "See something you like?"

"No! Sick! Just move." Flustered, Naruto brushed past him and hurried over to the toilet, where he wasted no time unzipping his pants. As he pissed, he talked over his shoulder, "I can't wait for you to try this restaurant. It doesn't have ramen, which I dislike, but it has other good stuff! Hinata likes it," he said, a flush of the toilet following his words. The faucet went on soon after, and Naruto continued talking. All the while, Sasuke struggled with finding clothing to fit. "Sakura likes it too. You know she loves you, right?"

Sasuke slammed the last dresser drawer closed so he wouldn't have to listen to the remainder of the words, but Naruto had ceased speaking. "I know," Sasuke finally said, the words like a sigh. He finally found some clothes that fit, so he dropped his towel and began to dress. The briefs and undershirt went on easy enough, but the pants and the mesh over shirt took more time. When Sasuke was struggling with his mesh shirt, Naruto finally entered the room.

"Let me help," Naruto said, his hands outstretched to yank the shirt down. Though Sasuke bristled and fell back into old habits to refuse the help, Naruto closed the distance between them and gently worked his friend's arm through the appropriate sleeve. "I always had trouble with putting the shirt on backwards. Heh," he grinned. His stupid smile encompassed his whole face, from the expression on his lips to the curve of his cheeks and the twinkle in his blue eyes. Sasuke reached out and patted Naruto's cheek.

"Of course you did," Sasuke smiled, his own smile much less lively than Naruto's bright grin. "I didn't need your help though," he had to emphasize.

"No one is saying you did! I offered." Naruto held up both hands in defense, his grin having dimmed, and yet he still looked just as animated as before. Naruto was a constant, and Sasuke desperately needed constants. "Ready?" As soon as Sasuke zipped up his pants, Naruto threw the question and began to head toward the door.

"Like you don't eat enough as it is," Sasuke remarked, the words spoken under his breath. Naruto jerked around and glared, but they both knew he hadn't heard the words the Uchiha had spoken. Sasuke slipped on his partially dry sandals, and the two of the left the apartment. Naruto offered Sasuke one of two umbrellas, so they both stayed relatively dry during their walk. "I heard your wife is expecting. Congratulations," Sasuke said, nodding toward the blond.

"Fiancée. She, uh, we haven't, you know. It's in the future," Naruto laughed, a nervous laughter that bubbled from his mouth as if he were choking from embarrassment. "We have about four months left until little Naruto Two is born."

"Naruto Two? That's the best you came up with in five months? Poor kid, first with you, dobe, and then that name," Sasuke teased, a smile coming to life on his face. His neutral expression gone, he looked much lighter at heart. He wondered if he looked as beautiful as Itachi looked when he smiled. The answer was too simple. No.

"Aw leave me alone, teme," Naruto huffed, knocking his shoulder against Sasuke's. "Look! That's the place! Yakitori!" Naruto reached down and grabbed Sasuke's hand, squeezing. The contact made Sasuke incredibly uncomfortable, but he allowed it, just for those few seconds. Naruto just as quickly released Sasuke's hand. "Sorry, I got excited," Naruto laughed. Sasuke just shook his head, clearly both amused and unamused. "Here." As the two stood under the restaurant awning, Naruto closed his own umbrella and then took the umbrella from Sasuke and did the same. Sasuke had to grit his teeth to keep from verbally tearing into the blond. He didn't always need help. He didn't always want help. Sometimes he wanted to struggle, to fail.

"Aw him? You brought _him_?" Kiba huffed and turned his head away, having never been a big fan of the Uchiha. Everyone else present had mixed reactions. Only Naruto and Sakura seemed happy with his presence, while the others were polite enough to keep their comments to themselves. "My appetite is ruined," Kiba muttered.

"Shut up!" Ino slapped her palm down on the table and Kiba got up and left, his dog following. When Kiba left, Shino got up to go after him. Two empty chairs remained. "Welcome back, Sasuke," Ino practically beamed, her smile as bright as her hair. Sasuke nodded in response, and Naruto motioned for him to slide into one side of the back booth. Trapped between Sakura and Naruto, he had the rest of his classmates either crammed on his right, also seated on the booth, or across from him, seated at small tables.

Throughout the meal, Sasuke tried to follow along with several conversations, all taking place simultaneously, but he eventually failed to keep up with the fast-paced talking. He just sat there, moving his chicken around on his plate, until Naruto nudged his side. Hinata arrived late, and Naruto wanted to show off his pretty fiancée. She looked as if she were forcing the smile on her face, but a forced smile was more welcome than none at all. Naruto slid out of the booth and went to pull out the chair across from him, and then he nudged the chair back toward the table once she'd been seated. Sasuke felt like he no longer belonged, and maybe he never belonged. He'd never given himself time to enjoy his childhood. He'd been fixated, obsessed, with killing Itachi. Friendships, so important to Naruto, had meant nothing to Sasuke. He'd isolated and severed all connections.

"—Sasuke?" Someone had asked him a question and he'd missed the entire thing. He swallowed his food and wiped his mouth with a napkin, but he didn't have a vague response that could cover any question asked.

"Maybe," Sakura answered, saving him some humiliation. "Maybe he just wants to take some time to himself."

"He's had five years to himself." Tenten.

"He needs our support now more than ever!" Lee.

After that, their responses and their faces blurred. From the answers, he assumed someone, most likely Sai, had asked about him being reinstated as a shinobi of the Leaf. From the way they spoke to the way they acted, none of them seemed to approve of his presence. They would have denied him the right to return to the village, destroyed any possibility for a probationary period. But Sasuke wasn't the same deserter he'd been in his youth. A difference existed between his first and second exits from the village. He owed Naruto. He owed Sakura. He owed Itachi. Oh how he owed Itachi.

"Let's have some sake!" Naruto had waited until most of the others had trickled out of the restaurant, leaving just six of them. Ino, Sai, Hinata, Sakura, Naruto, and Sasuke remained. When the bottles of sake arrived, Sai poured the sake into four cups, one for Sakura, Naruto, Sasuke, and himself. "Hey, remember when we—?" Sasuke just ignored the blond's words and stared at the way his lips moved as he talked. The subtle quirk. The baring of teeth. The way he took just the smallest touch of his bottom lip in between those teeth. The way he licked his lips. Hours later, after the others had traded stories and Sasuke had contributed as much as he cared to contribute, the six of them decreased to three, and Sasuke ended up half-dragging, half-carrying Naruto out of the restaurant.

"We shouldn't have had so much to drink," Sakura stopped and paused to burp, which Sasuke found to be quite amusing. "Are you sure you'll be alright going home? The rain has let up," Sakura smiled, turning in a small circle just outside of the cover of the awning.

"I'll walk you both home." Sasuke didn't want to, and he didn't _have_ to, but he did. He took Sakura home first, where they both hesitated until she finally drew her key and let herself into her home. She'd wanted a hug or a kiss, he knew, but he'd silently refused, as he so often did when it came to her. "Do you still live in that mess of an apartment?" He looked back to where he had leaned Naruto against the wall, but he found the blond slowly stumbling down the middle of the street, singing. "Dobe!" Sasuke hissed at the Hokage and jogged to catch up with him. "Tell me where you live. Now." He tried using a firm and demanding tone, but Naruto just laughed in his face.

"You smell good," Naruto whispered, his nose quickly buried against Sasuke's neck. "Why did you have to go, teme?" His pathetic voice and his close proximity ignited warning bells, but Sasuke simply used his hand to shift Naruto around and went back to supporting the blond. "You made us really sad, you know that? Sakura, Sakura _loves_ you. Like Hinata _loves_ me."

"And you _love_ Hinata," Sasuke replied, applying the same emphasis Naruto had used. For once, the blond remained quiet. "I loved someone once. I can't do it again. I don't love her, Naruto."

Naruto reached over and brushed his thumb along Sasuke's bottom lip, and then he stopped, doubled over, and vomited all over the ground. He threw up everything he ate and drank, and then he started dry heaving. With a heavy groan, he stood up and slumped against Sasuke's side once more. Disgusted, Sasuke had stepped out of range, and he wanted to do the same all over again; however, he remained in place. "I live up here now," Naruto said, voice deeper from the stomach acids that had burnt his throat raw. He pointed at a better looking apartment complex, one with a nicer exterior. Obviously, the building was new.

"You want to come in for some water or some tea?"

"Naruto, it's late, and I don't want to disturb Hinata." The two of them had stopped inside the lobby area of the building, right where the list of tenants and their buzzers were listed, right where the stairs started.

"She still lives at the Hyuga compound." Naruto sounded unhappy.

"You don't live with your fiancée?" Sasuke turned his head to look at his companion, trying to decide what he should do in such a situation. Naruto just shook his head and took a few shaky steps forward, starting his ascent up the stairs. Without asking, without saying, Sasuke followed. "Is it custom to wait?"

"I don't know. She wasn't supposed to get pregnant before we got married. Her old man was pissed," Naruto said. A short-lived chuckle followed. "He hates me, even if I am Hokage. Nothing I do is ever good enough. Nothing." Naruto clenched a fist and aimed a weak punch at the wall in the stairwell, but Sasuke caught the fist.

"I'll have some tea." Sasuke didn't even want tea. He wanted to go home and crawl into bed. What's more, Naruto didn't look in the condition to make tea; he didn't look in the condition to get a glass of water. He swayed like a fragile tree in the wind, back and forth, until he stopped, right outside of his apartment. Third floor. Second door. Sasuke had to wonder why Naruto didn't have a house, or at least the very best apartment, but the question faded to the back of his mind. Naruto had ANBU wherever he went, so the location of the apartment, of the _home_ , made no difference to them. At one in the morning, Sasuke was simply critical of the village.

Naruto fumbled with his keys until Sasuke brushed him aside and yanked the keys from his hand. Sorting through the various keys took a few minutes, but Sasuke eventually found the right one and opened the apartment door. He let Naruto go in first. "Welcome to my apartment!" Naruto introduced his place in a loud voice and someone in the apartment next door pounded on the wall. "I'm the Hokage!" A feeble attempt at flexing his weight. "Let me put some tea on," Naruto said, slowly making his way into his kitchen.

The apartments looked to have a similar layout, but Naruto definitely had a bigger apartment. He had a bigger kitchen, bigger living room, likely two bedrooms and one bath. Sasuke thought it appropriate, but he still clicked his tongue.

"I showed up to take her out and he refused to let her leave. Said I wasn't dressed right. I was wearing the Hokage robes. I had official business!" Naruto obviously continued on with his conversation about Hinata and Hiashi, her father.

"Hn," Sasuke voiced, only slightly interested in the drunken ranting. Naruto filled the kettle, the water spilling out the first few times. Sasuke eventually swept in and did the job there too, having lost his patience. He asked where Naruto kept the mugs and where Naruto kept the tea. Sasuke handled everything himself, leaving a drunk Naruto to lean against the fridge. "Go brush your teeth. The tea takes time."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going." Naruto waved him off, but he turned around and left, traveling down the short hall and making a left into the bathroom. "I thought people would have to respect me when I became Hokage," he spoke, mouth stuffed with toothpaste and a toothbrush, "but people still don't! I think Hiashi blames me for Neji's death, as if I planned for that idiot to sacrifice himself."

"He could." Sasuke said the two words in an effort to placate Naruto, but the blond merely rinsed his mouth and reappeared, ready to go. "Maybe he's just old-fashioned and thinks you should have waited for marriage before you got his daughter pregnant." Sasuke removed the kettle from the burner before it began to whistle too much and poured the hot water into the cups. The tea smelled sweet and fruity, but tasted more subdued. "Drink your tea."

Naruto took the cup and the two sat down at the kitchen table to enjoy their steaming teas. Sasuke closed his eyes as he sipped his tea, but he felt Naruto watching him. "It was an accident, you know? The, uh, the thing broke." Naruto flushed and started rubbing at the back of his neck. He found something suspiciously interesting in the cup of tea, just to avoid Sasuke's piercing gaze. "They don't believe in getting rid of babies."

"So your child is an accident." Simple and to the point.

"Don't call him that!" Naruto slapped a palm on the table, but it didn't bother Sasuke at all.

"That's what an accident is," Sasuke said, rolling his eyes.

" _Boruto_ ," Naruto sighed, using the name Hinata had chosen, "can't be an accident, which is why we're getting married."

"That's a foolish reason to get married, and _Boruto_ is a stupid name."

"Fuck you! Hinata chose that damn name!" Naruto cursed, but there was a small smile on his face, as if to say he was aware and he agreed, at least in part. "I think I can grow to love her though," he said, smile fully in place.

"Okay," Sasuke frowned. Had he worked for his love? Only for blood. Only for revenge. Only for making the biggest mistake of his life. No, once Sasuke understood the truth, loving _him_ had been easy.

"Thanks for this."

"Hn."

* * *

 **A/N:** _This chapter was actually about eight pages long, but I couldn't split it into two chapters without it feeling choppy. Oh! One reviewer wanted longer chapters, so here you go! And the reviewer wanting ItaSaku, I wish you weren't a guest! I'd message you about it!_

 ** _Review , and let me know what you think. _**


	3. Attraction

**3\. Attraction**

 _"Friends are a strange, volatile, contradictory, yet sticky phenomenon. They are made, crafted, shaped, molded, created by focused effort and intent. And yet, true friendship, once recognized, in its essence is effortless." — Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration_

* * *

Sasuke finally crawled into bed at a quarter to three, and he lay awake with phantom pains until four. Lying on his back, he massaged where his arm should have continued, easing the muscles and nerves, but the pain took time to dissolve. He had chosen not to replace the arm, but maybe it was time. Maybe he finally deserved that much. He didn't know exactly when he dozed off, but he awoke to bright sunlight creeping through his open blinds. At one point during the night, he'd gotten out of bed and opened the blinds to allow in some moonlight, and he'd forgotten to close them. Scowling, he draped his forearm over his eyes, but the light still entered the room and spilled across his bare chest and stomach. He lay there until he couldn't take the light anymore, and then he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

Outside noises leaked their way into the bedroom, as if seeping through the proverbial hole created by the sunlight. The alarm clock next to his bed read 12:03, but the time meant little to him. As a civilian, he had nothing to do, no major obligations, a fact that pleased him and disappointed him. When he forced himself to stand and leave his bedroom, he remembered that he had no food in the house and little money to buy much of anything. He still had some funds from before he'd left the village, but he'd obviously lost the monthly stipend he'd received as a child. He'd have to find a job. The thought struck him, and it felt as foreign as a domestic lifestyle. For once in his life, he had to go job hunting.

After showering and putting on his dry clothing from the day before, Sasuke collected his key from the table beside the door and left his apartment. Just as he'd closed his door, he bumped right into Sakura. "What are you doing here?" Surprised to see her, he said the first thing that came to mind, and he sounded rude. "I didn't expect you," he tried to correct himself.

She didn't seem bothered at all by his impolite tone and the manner in which he'd first greeted her. "I thought you'd like some help grocery shopping," she smiled. "I know you don't have anything to eat in your apartment." He liked the fact that she cut right to the heart of the matter, but he still didn't know if he wanted to spend time alone with her, not knowing how she felt about him. Still, she seemed persistent. "My treat."

"Fine," he grunted, walking around her and continuing down the street. She jogged to catch up with his long strides, and then they walked side-by-side to the market district. He didn't know why he took the offer, other than the fact that she wouldn't have taken _no_ as an answer.

When they got to the outdoor market, Sasuke grabbed a basket and the two of them gathered fresh fruits and vegetables. Sakura picked out strawberries, while he collected daikon. They picked out ingredients for fresh salads and side dishes, and they paid at each stall. When they finished, Sasuke carried the large paper bag, and the two of them headed toward the regular market for other food and basic necessities. Sakura led the way through the aisles and collected various items, all while prattling on about her life and how things had changed. He hummed at appropriate times and nodded at others, but she talked too much for his liking. She wasn't _him._

"Sasuke?" Sakura reached out to touch his shoulder and he realized that he'd simply stopped moving. "Are you okay?"

Years. He'd had _years_ , and yet he hadn't gone anywhere at all with his life. "Let's get out of here," he frowned, leading the way toward the front of the store. He had food. He had linen. He had essentials. He didn't want to be around people any longer. He hadn't missed the way people looked at him, whispered about him. They parted for him as if he were parting a sea, and all because he'd left the village to seek something _more_. They were narrow-minded, destined to live and die within the tiny village, never knowing anything of the world beyond village limits. In some ways, Sasuke pitied them; however, above all else, he hated them.

"Sasuke! Wait!" Sakura called after him, trying to get him to stop, but he continued at a steady pace, always one step ahead. "Stop looking at him like that! He's a citizen, just like the rest of us!" So she had seen the same thing, noticed the sea parting for him and then swallowing the echo of his footsteps. Sasuke knew his frown deepened, but he continued onward, content in knowing that Sakura followed. He didn't want to rescue her from the truth. He just wasn't liked. "I'm sorry," she spoke, her voice carrying from several steps behind. "I didn't know."

"I'm not welcome here. I've never really been welcome here. Only you and Naruto seem to really care that I'm back, and I expected as much." They reached the apartment and climbed the stairs to his level. Trying to unlock and open the door, he rested his bag of food against his leg and the wall next to the door, balancing the paper bag until he succeeded. "Go ahead," he said, allowing Sakura to enter first.

"Let us give you a second arm. We have the cast. We're waiting on you. It'll make things so much easier for you," Sakura tried. Instead of declining her offer, he shrugged a shoulder, showing his own uncertainty. Did he deserve the second arm? He was a terrible comrade, a terrible friend, a terrible son, a terrible brother, and a terrible lover. "Sasuke." She'd set the bags down, some on the counter and some on the kitchen table, and she took the bag of fruit and vegetables from his arm. "It's okay to be selfish about this, alright?"

Sasuke started putting the groceries away, while Sakura watched him move around the kitchen. She said everything with her eyes. Confusion. Disappointment. Concern. He slammed one of the cabinets closed and she jumped. "How long is the surgery?" He hadn't relented, but she'd slowly begun to reel him in. "Does the village even have the resources to waste on someone like me?" There, ingrained deep in his words, was the self-hatred he'd tried to destroyed. He ran his hand over his face and slowly turned to look at her. She had her mouth open in shock.

"Someone like you?" She repeated the words, tasting them and regurgitating them.

"A missing nin. A deserter. A runaway. Whatever the hell else these people come up with to call me." Sasuke moved to pick up the last bag of food, one stocked with fresh meats, but she caught his wrist.

"I don't care what they call you. I know you. It wouldn't be a waste. This village owes it to you, after what the council did, after what Danzo did." She said the name and he couldn't help the sharp inhale and the shaky exhale. He'd killed the councilmen responsible, but that didn't stop the nightmares. Danzo had taken everything, everyone, and Sasuke needed to rebuild his whole world, a world previously constructed with well-placed lies. "Just come in soon," Sakura whispered. He nodded, just to appease her.

After the groceries had been put away, he offered her something to eat or drink, but she politely declined, citing that she'd already had a late breakfast. Sasuke assumed she'd gone back onto a crazy diet, like most women obsessed with their figures, but he chose to keep his opinion to himself. Instead, he started preparing sashimi with tuna. Halfway through the preparation, Sakura began preparing rice and miso. They ended up sharing the meal together, though they ate in silence. "Did you wait for me?" He'd caught her right as she'd begun to clear their plates and bowls, and she almost dropped the dishes. She looked at him with wide eyes, while he regarded her with suspicion.

"Yes," she answered honestly. "I tried dating, at first, but it didn't go well. I love you," she said, unashamed of her forward nature.

"I could have never come back. How could you be so stupid? Why wait for me?" He sounded so cruel, but he meant to sound that way. Surprisingly, she smiled at him and shook her head, as if she knew more, understood more. "If things had ended differently, maybe we both would have been happy. As it is, I don't love you. Never let yourself think that I can wake up and fall in love with you."

"You're not a monster. You're a good person, Sasuke. You're smart, funny, honest," Sakura began to list off. He didn't want to hear the compliments, because he had a counterpoint for every single one. He was incredibly stupid for falling victim to the council and then-Hokage. He was sarcastic, not necessarily funny. He was honest, but brutally honest. She looked like she wanted to go on, but she stopped herself. "Why can't you just let yourself be happy?"

"My chance at happiness is gone, but yours might still be out there. Don't be stupid!"

"You are my happiness!"

He stood up then and walked out of the kitchen, leaving her standing there. Naruto's words echoed in his mind. But Sasuke could never grow to love Sakura, not in the way that she wanted, and certainly not in the way she deserved. He liked men. As he paced his bedroom floor, he finally admitted the truth. Perhaps he'd always liked men. He'd always been a disappointment to his father, so being a homosexual, being unable—no, being _unwilling_ —to produce offspring made sense. Itachi would have been a good father. That thought hurt him worse than the realization of his own sexuality. And what's worse, Itachi had no idea how Sasuke felt. The man had just _died_. There hadn't been time. And damn, how Itachi should have lived! He would have married Sakura! He would have had children with Sakura! Out of love or out of duty, Itachi would have.

Sasuke bent over, clutching at his hair, and he began to cry. He sobbed. He raged. He tried to accept the reality that he had no second chance. Itachi wouldn't be reborn from the ashes; Itachi couldn't be brought back. Sasuke had lived. Sasuke had been the foolish younger brother, always chasing the man's shadow. And then he felt arms slide around him. He felt someone holding onto him so tightly. With his eyes closed, he imagined anyone but Sakura. He denied the truth. He wholeheartedly rejected reality. "I can't," he said, his voice cracking.

"I know," she repeated over and over again, slowly relinquishing her hold. When they parted, he stared at the wall behind her and he sifted through his jumbled thoughts.

"I want to rebuild my family." He sounded despondent, and his posture did nothing to say otherwise. She looked like she wanted to hold him again, but that moment had passed and he no longer wanted her touching him.

"I want to start a life with you." Sakura looked at him with such fire in her eyes, a fire that reminded him of the fire that once burned in his own eyes.

"Even knowing what I have to offer?" Again, he sounded so tired.

"Even then."

"You're an idiot," he sighed. "Fine." He had no one else. He had nowhere else. A wonderful woman had offered herself to him. He'd have the opportunity to rebuild his clan, and he'd have her support, regardless of whether or not he deserved it. But his response wasn't to marry her. His response wasn't to agree to jump into bed with her. He'd agreed to take one step in the same direction, to walk along beside her. She left in better spirits.

At twenty minutes to nine, someone knocked on his door. Sakura had left over two hours ago, but it could have been her again. He went to the door and looked through the peephole, and he saw blue eyes looking in at him. Rolling his eyes, he undid the two locks on his door, twisted the knob, and pulled the door back. "What are you doing here, dobe?" He stared at the blond without a hint of a smile, but the man still grinned back.

"I got back from my date with Hinata!" Naruto tried wiggling his brows, but he failed. "Come on, let's go celebrate!" He thrust a triumphant fist in the air and then grabbed Sasuke's cloak from by the door. He tossed the garment to Sasuke. "Drinks are on me!"

"What the hell are we supposed to be celebrating?" Sasuke put the cloak back on the hanging hook and stood there, ready to close the door on Naruto. "She's already bearing your child," he said, obviously displeased at the time and Naruto's sudden arrival.

"It was just a really good date," Naruto defended. "I thought we could hang out, you know? Friends do that. You're my friend."

Sasuke sighed. "I will go with you," he started, "but you aren't drinking as much as you did before. I'm not supporting you all of the way home again, fat ass."

"Deal! Wait. What? I'm not fat! It's muscle!" Naruto let out a string of curses and then lifted his shirt to show off his abs. Sasuke pretended to inspect his friend's abdominal muscles, and then shook his head. "Oh fuck you," Naruto growled out, quickly dropping his shirt. "Hinata thinks I'm hot."

"She's worshipped you since before you were a genin, and she sets her standards low." Sasuke smirked at his words and then disappeared into his room to change. He heard Naruto fiddling with things, and flipping through books and, most likely, photo albums. When Sasuke emerged in all black, yet again, Naruto just raised a brow.

"What you were wearing was fine, prissy. We aren't going to impress anyone. We're getting drunk and we're getting you laid."

"We're having a few drinks and leaving."

"Is this Itachi when he was young?" Naruto surprised Sasuke with the question and sat the photo album down on the living-room table. Sure enough, a young Itachi stared up at them, the ghost of a smile on his lips. He held a young Sasuke in his arms, perfectly supporting his younger brother's head and neck. Silently, Sasuke nodded. "I'm really trying to get his name cleared. I am. It's just a lot of work. I'm sorry," Naruto said, voice solemn.

"It doesn't matter. I know the truth. We're both outcasts."

"That's not true!" Naruto immediately refuted the statement.

"You know it's true. Only you and Sakura are pleased I came back. The others wouldn't have cared if I never came back." Sasuke spoke without a hint of sadness, merely because he'd come to terms with the truth. Naruto looked ready to punch him. "It's okay, Naruto." He used the blond's name and Naruto paused, allowing himself to mull over the words.

"You're a goddamn hero," Naruto interjected.

"So was Itachi. Look where it got us."

"Let's get out of here and get wasted. My treat. Come on." Naruto took Sasuke's hand into his own and all but yanked the man from the apartment. Sasuke had to fumble to lock his door.

After the war, with the peace that followed, bars became prevalent. A lot of wounded, whether wounded physically and mentally, retreated to the locations to drown their sorrows, to forget about the scenes plaguing their minds. Sasuke had a feeling that Naruto frequented the bars. Needless to say, the Uchiha didn't approve. He wondered why no one bothered to interfere. Naruto needed guidance. He'd lived through hell too. Inside of a place called The Trap, the two of them claimed seats at the crowded bar and ordered shots. Naruto finished his first and quickly refilled, while Sasuke nursed his. Sasuke had no intention of stumbling home and spending the early morning on the bathroom floor, leaned over the toilet, puking his guts out.

"Start drinking. This night's really for you!" Naruto said, nudging Sasuke. Naruto raised his cup and pointed toward two women at the opposite end of the bar. They'd been eyeing the two men and smiling at them, as if Naruto and Sasuke were the only two in the bar. "They're really looking at you, man," Naruto grinned, speaking over the noise created by the other patrons. Sasuke wanted to smile, he did, but he frowned. He didn't like women. He didn't find them attractive.

"Naruto," Sasuke tried getting his friend's attention. "Naruto," he repeated. "For fuck's sake, I'm gay." Naruto stopped flirting and turned to stare at his friend. Had Naruto heard him properly? Was _the_ Uchiha Sasuke a flaming homosexual? Naruto don't blink. The blond swallowed hard, and then he took two more shots. "I'm not attracted to women."

"I know what it means!" Naruto's voice carried and people stopped to look at him. The Hokage, getting wasted at a place called The Trap. "Are you sure?"

"That's a stupid question," Sasuke said, immediately defensive.

"It is not," Naruto huffed. A few minutes passed in silence, where they both polished off their shots and asked for more. Three a piece. "Do you find me attractive?"

Sasuke choked on the sake, the liquid coming up and almost out through his nose. The raven-haired man turned to look at his friend, but his friend wouldn't look him in the eye, instead looking at one of the shots. Naruto looked good. He was a goof, at times, but he connected well with others. He was powerful. He had a boisterous laugh and a strong voice. He came off as fearless and brash. Sasuke went through the adjectives, and he couldn't answer honestly. He found Naruto attractive, in a sense. He didn't want to strip the blond down and have his way, but he found him endearing. "You're attractive. Is that a problem? Do you find me attractive?"

"You smell good," Naruto blurted out. Sasuke laughed, one that surprised Naruto and also triggered the other man to laugh. "You are, I guess, but I'm straight."

"Relax. It was only a question." Sasuke smirked around his cup.

* * *

 **A/N:** It's important to note the end of the chapter and the difference between finding someone attractive and wanting to be with the person. Neither of them are there yet; however, I also wanted a teaser, because I love teasers. Please remember this is a SasuNaru fic too, not SasuSaku. _Don't worry_. ;)

Thanks to those favoriting and following. You know who you are! And **r** **eview** , please!


	4. Downpour

**4\. Downpour**

 _"It's astonishing how much trouble one can get oneself into, if one works at it. And astonishing how much trouble one can get oneself out of, if one assumes that everything will, somehow or other, work out for the best." — Neil Gaiman, The Wake_

* * *

Sasuke half-dragged, half-pulled Naruto back to his two-bedroom apartment, and then Sasuke stumbled his way home. Both of them got home sometime around four in the morning, but Sasuke fell asleep somewhere around five. He awoke to something hitting his front door, and he jumped awake, kunai in hand. His whole body ached, and he cursed Naruto for the night of drinking. Dressed in sleep pants and a t-shirt, he went to examine what had hit his door. Still holding the kunai, he struggled to open the door, but he managed. When he swung the door inward, he found himself looking down at the morning paper. The rolled up cylinder of news stared back at him, mocking him. Someone just had to throw the newspaper, instead of walking it up to his doorstep and setting it down on the welcome mat. Grabbing the paper, he ducked back inside of his apartment and slammed the door.

The village had plans to increase border patrol on certain areas, all in the name of the upcoming plum-blossom festival. That article made the entire paper worthwhile. The rest of the information was garbage. Sitting at his kitchen table, he prepared to close the paper, but something else caught his eye. He found a section filled with job offerings. Veterinarian. Chef. Newspaper deliverer. He had to scoff at the third option on the page. He could cook, but he questioned whether or not he had the ability to become a chef; chefs had a lot of training, where he had only watched his mother and brother prepare meals. He turned the page. Professional cleaner. Caretaker. Teacher. Construction worker. He kept turning the pages, but most of the jobs revolved around making or selling food and leading delivery caravans. He circled a few options, but none of the jobs sounded like him. Because he was a shinobi, and what did a shinobi know about playing civilian? Nothing.

Sasuke rested his forearm atop the table and leaned down to press his forehead against his arm. His head throbbed. His stomach rolled. Before he could relax, he shot out of his chair and ran to the bathroom, where he fell onto his knees before the toilet and vomited. Over and over again, he puked. Graceless. Disgusting. When he finished, he flushed the toilet and got back to his feet. He got out his toothbrush and toothpaste. While he brushed his teeth, he admired his reflection. He had pale skin and dark eyes; he had dark hair and long lashes. With his hair down, not sticking up in random places, he looked a little like Itachi. His different-colored eyes then stared back at him. He could have stayed in his apartment all day, but someone just had to knock on his door. Growling, he replaced his toothbrush in the holder and went out to confront the person constantly knocking on the door. He wrenched open the door and found himself glaring at Sakura.

"You went out drinking again," she immediately said, her worried expression enough to make him uncomfortable. He debated on leaving her on the doorstep, but he eventually stepped aside and allowed her entrance. "I wanted to come by and tell you that I scheduled you a check-up. I don't care if you don't want to go." Everything good he thought about her dissolved away, overtaken by his own anger. How dare she! He didn't ask for a check-up, nor did he want one. A touch of fear tainted the anger though. What if he had the same unidentified illness as Itachi? "It's important," she tried soothing him.

"I'm not someone you can boss around." He said the words, and they stayed there, like a wall slowly being built between them. She seemed surprised, as if she didn't know about his stubborn ways, and then she tried another avenue. He'd already assumed the route though. She wanted to have him report for his second arm, but he wasn't ready. He just wasn't ready.

"It'll be easier for you to acclimate to civilian life, if you have two arms." She told the truth, but he'd survived thus far. "With a little work, you'll be back to your old self in a few months. Naruto did it!" He wasn't Naruto, he wanted to say. He wasn't the blond ray of sunshine. He was the other one. "At least let us check for any illnesses." So she knew. His expression went from hot to cold, as if someone has doused him in freezing water. Maybe someone had mentioned Itachi; maybe he'd let something slip. He didn't know.

"Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine."

"Sasuke—"

"Get out."

And she left, without further argument. He grabbed the kitchen chair and slammed the furniture down, legs first, onto the ground. When had he gotten so angry? Was it the moment he woke up, the moment he threw up, or the moment she brought up the illness? He cited all of those moments and more. With much difficulty, he changed into a dark-blue yukata, the summer clothing so dark it looked black, and he grabbed the paper from his kitchen table. The paper in his hand, he left his apartment and descended the stairs. His empty sleeve swayed in the breeze, attracting even more attention from passersby; however, he tried to distract himself from their stares. He'd grown used to them, as a child, so he needed to rely on his old tricks.

He went to the Hokage tower first, where he hoped to catch Naruto and discuss the state of finances for the restoration of the Uchiha compound, but ANBU stopped him outside of the office. He had to wait until they verified his clearance, and then they asked him how long he'd been in the village, if he planned on causing any trouble. Sasuke felt even more like an outsider, and he really wanted to punch them in their faces. It would have been easy to snap their necks. One. Two. He knew he could have finished them off before they had a chance to retaliate. He believed in his skills.

The doors to the office opened and Naruto stood there, a grim expression on his face. He waved a hand, motioning Sasuke inside, and then he turned his back and returned to his seat. Sasuke had a brow raised in silent question, but he waited until the ANBU closed the doors behind him. "You look as good as I feel," Sasuke said, amused. Naruto groaned in response, and Sasuke went to stand before the overcrowded desk. "Don't you have an assistant for this?"

"I have two, Tsuki and Chinatsu." Naruto made a vague motion toward the door, and Sasuke had to put the pieces together. The two women he'd seen on his way to the office had been the assistants. That explained their own disorganized desks. "I'm drowning in paperwork," Naruto whined.

"I didn't come here to listen to you whine."

"Shut up, teme! What do you want? Wait! You want to become a ninja again, right? Aww right! That's great," Naruto exclaimed, clapping his hands together.

"I'm here to discuss the remainder of my inheritance and the renovation of my family's compound," Sasuke corrected him.

"You want to renovate? But you have an apartment," Naruto said. He looked confused, but Sasuke had assumed the blond would be lost. Renovating all that space for one person seemed insane. "Wait. Is this about Sakura?"

"Did you forget our talk last night, dobe?" Sasuke gave him a blank look, knowing Naruto was running through the night's events. When Naruto got to the appropriate part, his mouth opened and then snapped shut. "I also need a job reference," he said through gritted teeth. He put the newspaper on the desk, the job selections circled and memorized.

"Are you sure you don't want to be a shinobi again? It's what you're good at, Sasuke," Naruto spoke, his voice unusually calm and quiet. Sasuke had asked himself, had told himself, those very same words, but he also realized the importance of stepping back. He'd been fighting since he was a kid, whether it was for attention or otherwise. Sasuke had grown tired. "One Hokage recommendation coming up." And Naruto pulled out a blank piece of paper, began writing on it, and stamped it. "You have a good bit of money leftover, so I'll unfreeze the account and Tsuki can start issuing stipends."

"You looked into it already?" Sasuke sounded shocked, and he looked shocked. Naruto didn't need to add Sasuke's troubles onto his workload, but the blond had done just that. "I might need some genin for the renovation."

"Nah, I'll help you! Sai will probably help too. You know Ino still worships you," Naruto chuckled. "I might even be able to get you discounts on what we need."

"Naruto—"

"It's not a big deal. It's what friends are for," he said, flashing a brilliant smile. Sasuke hesitated, but then he nodded. "Now let's get your checkup and get your second arm," Naruto rambled. Sasuke's eyes darkened and Naruto cut himself off. "Fine. Sakura told me."

"I'm not surprised."

"She's just worried."

"Don't." Sasuke shook his head, as if to tell Naruto not to get involved. Slowly, Naruto nodded his head, silently agreeing. "Are you free tonight?"

"I don't know. I need to finish all of this paperwork before I can get out of here," Naruto sighed. "If I would have known being Hokage was filled with endless paperwork, I would have picked a different career."

"No you wouldn't have."

"Maybe! You don't know for sure."

Before Sasuke left, he told Naruto he'd drop by around dinner time with some food. The raven-haired man had decided to practice his hand at cooking and apply for the position as chef, even if it meant having some difficulty. Most chefs had two hands, after all. For the rest of the sunny day, Sasuke moved around the open market stalls and grocery stores, picking out ingredients for the food he planned to prepare.

"Look who it is," Kiba scowled. The two met over a selection of tomatoes and cucumbers. They had both been reaching for the same plump tomato, one just on the verge of being perfectly ripe. "Just take it already."

"If this is your way of apologizing, you need to try harder." Sasuke grabbed the tomato anyway, and a bundle of small tomatoes still connected to their vine. Kiba looked murderous, especially with the way he growled and gritted his teeth. "Still trying to be a dog?" Sasuke knew he took it too far when Kiba grabbed him by the collar and yanked him forward.

"The only reason I haven't kicked your sorry ass is because of Sakura, so feel lucky." Sasuke could feel the waves of hostility rolling right off of Kiba, but Sasuke kept a blank expression in place. "I'm just waiting for you to turn out like your worthless brother." Kiba smirked then, knowing he'd touched the most sensitive subject imaginable. Except he didn't expect Sasuke to reel back and punch him in the jaw. He didn't expect Sasuke to keep punching him. Once. Twice. He lost count, up until the moment when Sasuke broke bones. Sasuke had really wanted to break Kiba's jaw.

"Don't you _ever_ call Itachi worthless. I'll _kill_ you." Sometime during the fray, Akamaru had bit down on Sasuke's forearm, but the pain didn't register until someone dragged Sasuke off Kiba. An ANBU agent, a rabbit, had dragged him a few feet away, hoisted him to his feet, and proceeded to lead him toward the Hokage tower. Sasuke looked back and locked eyes with Kiba. Both of them knew their fight hadn't ended. When Kiba lurched forward to try and get a cheap shot in, Sasuke kicked him in the stomach. Kiba eventually doubled over, and Akamaru focused on the injured man rather than retaliating.

Sasuke was practically thrown into Naruto's office, and he stumbled to the middle of the room, where he finally recovered his sense of balance. Naruto took in Sasuke's bloody knuckles, the bite wound, and the flecks of blood on the dark yukata, and he sighed. "What the hell did you do?"

"Hn. What I had to do." Vague. So very vague. Naruto had less paperwork to complete. The piles had gone down considerably, since Sasuke's earlier visit. And yet the blond still had to clear a spot to cross his arms atop the desk. "I think I fractured his cheekbone. I wanted to break his jaw, so he would stop talking."

"You started a fight? That's not like you. What happened to using your words?" Naruto seemed to be joking, but he didn't have a smile on his face. No, he was serious. "Who? Where? I need to know. Police might get involved. He might press charges. Damn it, Sasuke, what the hell were you thinking?" He sounded so tired, and he had bags under his eyes. Sasuke only contributed to the exhaustion, to the workload.

"Kiba. In the open market." Sasuke answered the questions and provided little detail. If Naruto didn't wave a hand for the Uchiha to continue, they both would have lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. "He insulted Itachi," Sasuke said, "and I lost control."

One comment and he saw red. He'd lost control of himself and the situation. One minute, he'd been shopping for food, and the next, he'd been punching Kiba in the face. He couldn't deny how good punching that guy had felt, but should he have even engaged in such brutish behavior? No. Itachi would have taken the insult. He'd taken on the weight of the entire world, and at such a young age. Sasuke clenched his fist and glared daggers at the floor, but he said nothing. His posture should have communicated his own displeasure. Maybe he just felt bad about getting caught. That dark thought left him on unstable ground.

"I'll do what I can, but if he presses assault charges, you could lose your probation and get expelled from the village." Naruto ran his hands over his face and sat up straight his chair. His spine have off a series of tiny cracks, each one a moment of release and relief. "You came here without any food," he frowned, placing a hand over his growling stomach. "Come on, to Ichiraku's!"

Sasuke wanted to protest, but he owed Naruto a great deal. After Sasuke cleaned up, and Naruto helped bandage the bite wound, the two of them did go to the little restaurant. They ordered two different types of ramen: Sasuke chose tonkotsu ramen, while Naruto selected miso ramen. The two of them ate in companionable silence. While Naruto slurped down his third bowl of ramen, Sasuke took the blond's frog change purse and covered the tab. When they left the restaurant and went back onto the streets, Naruto witnessed, firsthand, what Sasuke experienced. The whispers. The stares. The points. The jeers. Well, the jeers must have started after the fight in the marketplace. Sasuke couldn't really blame the civilians for voicing their displeasure when he'd attacked someone. After all, he'd _snapped_.

"Alright. Get back to your lives," Naruto said, diffusing the situation. Then someone threw a bottle and Sasuke stepped in front of Naruto to shield him.

"What happens when he kills us all? We'll be the next massacre!"

"We don't want his kind here!"

"Stop protecting him, Naruto!"

"He bewitched the Hokage."

The voices grew so loud that ANBU showed up and started directing people from the scene, sometimes forcefully. Sasuke just stared straight ahead. Naruto seemed crushed. "I didn't become Hokage to let someone be treated this way," he growled. Sasuke didn't want to add in his thoughts, his melancholy realization. Nothing would ever change, shinobi or civilian. "I want an ANBU on you at all times."

"I'm capable of taking care of myself. I think I proved that today."

"You proved you need babysitting to make sure you don't screw this up."

"You're one to talk," Sasuke said, letting out a dry laugh. Naruto smirked, but the expression quickly vanished when ANBU returned holding a kid by the back of his shirt.

"So you think it's funny to throw bottles at people? You'll be working until I say you've earned forgiveness. Meet your new boss," Naruto grinned, motioning from the kid to Sasuke.

"Hell no," they both said at the same time. Then they narrowed their eyes at one another. "I'm not working with this boy," Sasuke frowned.

"Good, because I'm a girl!"

"Really?" Naruto had to blurt out the question, and it made the girl's face turn a dark shade of red. "What's your name?"

"Suzu."

"You work your way to forgiveness or you get suspended from the academy indefinitely," Naruto tried once more. "I know you attend the academy. You had good aim."

"Fine!" She puffed up her cheeks and leveled a glare at Naruto. When she exhaled, she turned her gaze to Sasuke. "Is it gardening or washing clothes? What do you need done?"

"Hard labor." Sasuke smirked.

"I'll take the suspension." She looked serious, and she addressed Naruto.

"Are you a Nara?" Naruto asked, bending down to her height to look closely at her features. She had the dark hair and eyes, but she also had better posture and a smart mouth. "No. Civilian child," Naruto reasoned.

The ANBU deposited the child at her home, while Sasuke and Naruto walked back to the tower. Neither of them worried about Suzu, about whether the girl would actually turn up when they called. They found their attention drawn in other directions, like the tower that stood before them. The place looked the same as it had before the war, but Sasuke knew the effort to rebuild. In five years, the village had slowly knitted itself back together again. "Do you still think about it?" Naruto broke the silence with his question, and somehow, Sasuke knew and understood. They connected enough, right then, for the Uchiha to grasp the unspoken, the implied.

"Every day," he said, his voice heavy with an unidentified emotion. No, maybe he could identify the emotion. And then it slipped right through his fingers. Gone.

"Me too." Naruto stood there, hands in his pockets, and then slowly began to walk inside. Sasuke followed.

The moment over, both men headed toward Naruto's office, but two ANBU intercepted them. One grabbed Sasuke by his arm and started to drag him backwards. He looked ready to defend himself, his eyes alive with the urge to fight, but Naruto reached out and grabbed the second ANBU. "What the hell is going on?"

"This man is wanted by police." The bear responded, while the rabbit remained quiet. It was a woman's voice, though deeper and filled with no remorse. She meant to drag Sasuke there, if the need arose. "He's a security risk."

"He's my friend. Let him go!" Naruto demanded.

"Hokage-sama!" A pretty brunette raced into the room, a single paper in her hand. "Uchiha-san had assault charges against him and the council voted to expel him from the village," she quickly spoke, her chest heaving from where she'd run to meet the blond.

Sasuke deactivated his eyes and relaxed into Bear's hold, slowly coming to terms with the fact that he'd lost his apartment, his clan compound, and his ability to start anew. Naruto looked furious though. He'd swallowed the fury and took on the fight for the both of them. "He's not being tossed out on his ass. Call a meeting with the council. Until then, just," Naruto sighed and rubbed his temples, "take him to jail."

Sasuke knew Naruto had his hands tied. He knew. And yet a slow rage rose from within him and twisted his insides, turning them to jelly. The council, the new council, voted to have him barred from the village, and Naruto had another fight on his hands. If it weren't for Naruto being Hokage, Sasuke would have been banned from the village from the start. He knew that. They both knew that. So when Bear grabbed his arm again and proceeded to drag him out into the hall and transfer him into police custody, Sasuke ignored the urge to fight, to brawl for his freedom. He didn't trust the system, but he had to trust Naruto. Sadly, he had to accept that his mere presence put such a heavy burden on the blond.

* * *

 **A/N:** Next chapter, we'll find out more about the new council and their role in the village. I can't give away more than that! **Review** , please! :)


	5. Disband

**5\. Disband**

 _"Perhaps it is only human nature to inflict suffering on anything that will endure suffering, whether by reason of its genuine humility, or indifference, or sheer helplessness." — Honoré de Balzac_

* * *

Sasuke shared a holding cell with three other people, all of them civilians. Public intoxication. Petty theft. He couldn't recall the last man's reason for arrest, not that the reason mattered. They all shared the same small space, as if their lives were suddenly bound. There had been a fourth person, a short man with dark brown hair, but his wife had arrived to bail him out. That had been hours ago. He'd left right before they served dinner, which consisted of _okayu_ and _umeboshi_. Sasuke just pushed the food around and around in his bowl. The congee and pickled fruit looked good, but he had no appetite. When the policewoman came by the collect the bowls, she gave him a pitying glance and accepted the full bowl. He should have eaten the meal. Several hours later, as he lay awake, he listened to his stomach growl, begging for the _okayu_ he'd rejected.

Around midnight, two of his cellmates were retrieved by friends or family, leaving just the one. He'd been taken in on public intoxication, a fact that everyone within a mile must have known. Sasuke smelled the alcohol on the man and heard the way the man slurred words. No one needed to tell the Uchiha about the man's sorry state. And yet, the man could have been Naruto. Light hair, bright eyes, good height. The only difference between them being Naruto had obtained the position of Hokage, while the man across from Sasuke had lost his home, his family, and his job. His name was Tadao, and he'd been a farmer. Sasuke didn't know why he kept looking at the man's bloodshot blue eyes; he didn't know why he watched the way the man's shoulders shook. He just did. If Tadao noticed the Uchiha's staring, he said nothing. The two had no one but each other for company, so Sasuke figured he'd make up a story based on what his cellmate had already provided. Tadao had been a successful farmer, but drought had struck the farm and sent him west, toward Konoha. On the journey, he'd lost his wife and children to an unidentifiable illness. When he arrived in Konoha, he found temporary work, but he soon lost his job. Drinking filled every void in his life. Yes, that story worked well.

With the backstory in place, Sasuke quickly lost interest in Tadao and focused more on his situation. The new council, a collection of nameless, faceless men, had decided he'd overstayed his welcome. They'd chosen to deport him. Did it matter? Itachi had stood by the village, and look where that had gotten him. _Itachi_. Sasuke sighed and settled down on the cot, really a hard wooden bench devoid of a mattress, pillow, or blanket. He'd found a time and place to reflect though. He had another journey, a figurative journey. _Itachi_. Their lips had never once brushed, though he recalled how they'd tangled their fingers together, how they'd hugged so tightly that no space existed between them. Truthfully, Sasuke had no idea how Itachi felt about him. Sasuke only knew how _he_ felt about _Itachi_ , and he felt so much that it physically hurt to even think about the extent of his feelings. He'd loved unconditionally. He'd loved with every fiber of his being. He'd returned home to continue on a mission that his brother had assigned. _Go home_ , his smile had said, _go home and live_. And after those years of travel, he'd finally come to the realization that Konoha was the place to finally plant his roots. At least, Konoha was the best possible place, a place with the highest success rate.

No, Itachi never knew about Sasuke's feelings, had never learned the truth. Their time had expired far too soon. But none of that mattered. If someone knew, if someone learned the truth—Sasuke knew the dangers. Disgusting. Forbidden. Taboo. Sasuke was a sick man. During his five years away from the village, he'd accepted his own sickness. But he deserved more. He deserved more than the emptiness, the gaping hole left behind by his brother's absence. He did.

"Uchiha?" An officer approached the cell and began to fiddle with his set of keys. When he found the correct key, he made quick work of the lock and slid open the barred door. Sasuke took time getting to his feet. The bench had been hell on his back. Tadao looked up, his eyes still damp from his latest round of tears, and he nodded to Sasuke. His story had been told, the sadness transferred to someone else. "Come on. Someone bailed you out," the officer frowned, waving Sasuke along. As soon as the Uchiha emerged from the cell, the officer slammed the door shut.

The officer led the way down a long corridor. The overhead lamps barely cut through the darkness, and they cast long shadows across the walls and ceiling. When the two came to the end of the corridor, Sasuke saw a flash of pink hair, and then a pair of arms wrapped tightly around his midsection. Sakura. Had she been the one to bail him out? He frowned, but he wrapped his bandaged arm around her. She looked like she had more to say, but she took one look around her and her lips set in a thin line. To think that the Sasuke's family had once owned the building, had once dominated the police force. If things had been different, Sasuke might have grown up and obtained a job as an officer, a regular, boring officer. The attempted coup had changed everything.

Once Sakura and Sasuke left the police station, Sakura turned and slapped his arm. "What were you thinking attacking Kiba? I got him to drop the charges," she said, clearly quite unhappy with the events leading up to Sasuke's arrest. "Naruto got you out, and he's still working on the council." Sasuke had wanted to ask, but she'd just supplied him with the information he needed. He owed Naruto. He owed Naruto a lot. "Say something."

"What do you want me to say? I don't regret punching Kiba," Sasuke said, words punctuated with a frown. "I regret getting caught. I regret having witnesses. I regret getting Naruto involved." Sasuke didn't know what she wanted to hear, what she expected to hear, but he stopped speaking after his admissions. As a child, he'd dragged Itachi into his problems. As a teen, he'd dragged everyone around him into his problems. And as an adult? Perhaps he'd continued on with the same logic from his teen years. He couldn't decide.

"I had to fix the damage. You fractured his cheekbone and his orbital socket. You could have blinded him!" Sakura looked furious then, and Sasuke didn't how to calm her down. He felt no remorse. "Maybe you don't belong here," she spoke, anger in every word.

He knew she spoke from a place deep within herself, where the anger had time to fester, so he didn't grace her with a verbal or physical response. The two of them kept walking toward his apartment. Even after her harsh words, she continued walking beside him. After they reached his apartment and he unlocked his door, he offered her a silent invitation, and she walked into the apartment. He made them tea. He fixed some _okonomiyaki_. Only when she'd finished her meal did she get the nerve to apologize, and her voice sounded so small that Sasuke almost missed her words entirely. _I'm sorry_ , she'd said, as if that meant something to him. He'd nodded. She didn't deserve much more than that. He walked her to the door, when she'd decided to leave, and she stood there, wringing her hands. Slowly, she began to lean up, pecking him on the lips, and he recoiled as if he'd been burned.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what I was thinking," she immediately apologized.

"No. It's fine," he dismissed. _Fine_. How many times had he used that word, since meeting her again? He couldn't count. Had he meant to initiate something with her? She wasn't ugly. She wasn't stupid. She had a good career. She'd be a good mother, someday. He brushed the pad of his thumb across her cheek and leaned in to place another chaste kiss on her lips. He felt absolutely nothing. He rested his forehead against hers, and her lips parted. She went in for another kiss, but he couldn't. He just couldn't. "I like men."

"Oh." Surprisingly, she turned and hung her coat back up, allowing it to occupy one part of his apartment. She took his hand between hers and slowly led him toward the couch. They sat down next to one another and she turned to him. "Is there someone?" She didn't look angry. She didn't sound hurt. She sounded as if she'd suspected the fact that he liked men.

"No." But there used to be. He wanted to say those words, to draw them forth as if he were slowly reeling in some darkness within himself, unleashing the taboo topic as if he were in the best of company.

"Do you _want_ there to be someone?"

"I don't know," he sighed.

"I'll still help you," she finally said, that same spark in her eye. "I'll still help, if you'll let me."

He did lean forward then. He kissed her with everything he had left of himself, and she reciprocated. She deserved that much. She gave everything to him, did everything for him, and he could give her what he had left. He had no other lover. He had no one, no one living, in his life that had claimed his heart. There was no confusion, no juggling of emotions. So when they had sex, they slept together as two consenting adults. Halfway through the night, she left, and he lay awake staring at the indentation on his second pillow. He was just what she always wanted. He couldn't find it in himself to feel sorry for her. He couldn't find it in himself to pity her. She'd made the choices and set her life on its current course. She didn't have to love him, did she? Was love really that steadfast? Was love really that difficult to control? _Yes_ , some part of him said. _Yes_ , it reminded him.

Just before dawn, someone knocked on his door. Groaning, he turned onto his side and curled his pillow around his head. He still heard the steady knocking, like an irritating itch he couldn't quite scratch. Untangling his legs from his covers, he threw the pillow onto the other side of his bed and sat up. The knocking stopped, but then picked right back up again. He got to his feet and looked for his sleep pants, then he pulled them on. He couldn't answer the door naked. Lucky for him, the person knocking on his door didn't know when to stop.

"Hey," Naruto smiled, speaking as soon as the door opened. Sasuke grabbed Naruto by the front of the shirt and dragged the blond into the apartment, then he slammed the door shut. "Whoa, sorry!" He held up his hands and then started straightening his shirt out. "You have bed head," Naruto pointed and laughed.

"Maybe because I was asleep when you decided to knock on my door at," Sasuke stopped and checked the kitchen wall clock, "five in the morning." Naruto seemed to remember the severity of the situation, for his grin faded from his face and a deep frown replaced it. Sasuke felt his anger and overall irritation retreat, replaced by some sense of dread. Bad news. He imagined all types of bad news.

Naruto walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the table, motioning for Sasuke to do the same. When the Uchiha pulled out his chair and sat down, Naruto let out a lengthy sigh. Resting his forearms atop the table, Naruto forced himself to look Sasuke in the eyes. "You have to go before the council and argue your case. They won't reverse the decision unless they hear from you. I tried everything. I even reached out to Gaara to see if, maybe, he'd grant you asylum. He would, by the way," Naruto said, voice like the steady rumble of an engine. One word followed another, right until the very end. And then they were left with deciding where to go, both with the conversation and Sasuke's case.

"Kiba dropped the charges," Sasuke defended himself, his voice nothing but pure anger. He moved to get up, but Naruto caught his forearm. Sasuke hissed, since Naruto had grabbed the bandaged portion of his arm; otherwise, Sasuke silenced himself. Naruto immediately let go, but Sasuke remained seated.

"I argued that too. I even threatened to disband the council. The lead council member threatened to hold me in contempt!" Naruto looked angry then, but he also tried to control the volume of his voice. A morning wake-up call for one tenant wasn't a morning wake-up call for the entire building. What they discussed needed to know the touch of secrecy. "I need to get rid of them. I won't be someone's puppet and I won't have another," Naruto came to a screeching halt. Both of them did. Naruto had almost said the name _Danzo_. Sasuke still couldn't take hearing that worthless bastard's name. "I won't have anything like that happen again."

"Who's on the council?"

"Hiashi, Choza, and Sho."

"Two clan heads and who?" Sasuke frowned.

"Sho is the top merchant in Konoha," Naruto answered. "It wasn't a unanimous decision. Choza voted to give you another chance. I did too! But because we're friends, my vote doesn't mean shit!" He pounded his fist on the table and Sasuke reached out to keep him from doing it all over again. For Sasuke, the persistent knocking had been enough. "Baa-chan thought this council was a good idea or I never would have let it happen. It was one of her last acts as Hokage, right before it came to me." Lost in thought, Sasuke just nodded, not really paying attention to the words. He'd assumed Tsunade had something to do with the new council, but she must have been drunk when she came up with the council members. "I'd want Shikamaru and you on my council."

"Thanks, but that's not how it works," Sasuke said, the corners of his lips upturned for a small smile. "Do you want me to get rid of Hiashi and Sho?" His voice grew dark then, as dark as his eyes. He'd leaned in to talk to Naruto, meeting the man halfway across the table. Naruto's eyes widened, but he seemed to consider the possibility. In the end, Naruto shook his head.

"I want to do this my own way." When Naruto said that, Sasuke had a lot of flashbacks from their childhood, but he didn't bring them up. Instead, he asked the most obvious thing.

"And if it doesn't go your way?" Sasuke watched the range of emotions pass through those blue eyes. Confidence. Doubt. Fear. Resignation. "I thought so." Sasuke's ways of dealing with things got him barred from villages and countries. His way of thinking was suited for a loner. Where one person saw black and white, he saw grey. The silence, and those blue eyes, gave Sasuke permission to take the steps necessary to ensure the removal of the Hyuga and the merchant. "So when is this meeting?"

"An hour from now. I'll escort you to the meeting room and they'll question you for about ten minutes."

"And then decide if I'm worthy enough to stay here," Sasuke finished, his words flowing nicely with Naruto's previous sentence. "I guess I'd better get ready then." He slid his chair away from the table and got to his feet. When he pushed his chair in, Naruto made to get up, but Sasuke put a hand on his shoulder. "There's some leftover _okonomiyaki_ , if you're hungry."

"Thanks!" The mood brightened the moment Naruto's features brightened. Sasuke had seen that happen time and time again, and yet the series of events still surprised him. "Do you need any help?" Naruto asked around a mouthful of food.

"Do you want to help me shower, dobe?"

"W-what? No thanks," Naruto recoiled. Sasuke smirked and proceeded to head toward his bathroom. While Sasuke showered, Naruto ate the leftover food and went back to find the photo album. He sorted through the various photos and sighed. Naruto did try. He tried to clear Itachi's name. He tried to get the council to approve. He _tried_. When Sasuke emerged, dressed in all black, Naruto did his best not to look guilty. He just couldn't get the photo album put away fast enough. "Sorry."

"What is your fascination with my life?" Sasuke seemed amused, and he took the photo album and flipped through a few pages. He stopped on one page and turned the album around for Naruto to see. The photograph showed Itachi and Sasuke outside of the academy, but a certain blond was in the background. Naruto smiled fondly, reaching out to touch the covered photo. "Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know," Naruto said, answering both questions at once, "but at least we aren't wasting time fighting." When was the last time they really fought? Sasuke flexed his hand. He knew. The last time they'd fought, they'd lost their arms. "Let's get the hell out of here so I can get home and take a nap."

Sasuke locked the apartment door, and they walked through the village toward the Hokage tower. Normally, Naruto would have started talking, but he looked dead on his feet. When was the last time he spent a day, or night, with Hinata? He didn't know. He'd been wrapped up with keeping Sasuke going. Maybe he was an enabler. Maybe he should have given up. And then Sasuke laughs, and Naruto dismisses those thoughts, because they had no place in his world. When they got to the tower, Naruto led the way, always aware of the way ANBU watched Sasuke. In the meeting room, the three council members sat at a long table, while Sasuke and Naruto stood before them. After a brief moment, Naruto gave Sasuke an encouraging smile, and then he moved off to the side of the room. Sasuke stood, front and center, like a man on trial.

"Uchiha, you deserted the village twice," Hiashi began, "and you returned looking for forgiveness. We granted you entrance _—_ "

"I did," Naruto spoke up, standing tall from his side of the room. "I accepted him into this village."

"A fine decision, Hokage-sama," Sho praised, sarcasm laced in every syllable. The man reminded Sasuke of a rat. "Regardless, you were accepted and placed on probation."

"You violated the conditions," Choza finally spoke, "but the charges were dropped. We're here to decide whether you're an asset or a liability." The man had an intimidating appearance, but he seemed the kindest and most understanding, by far. Sasuke paid more attention to the man, deeming him more impartial. "Continue, Hiashi."

"Thank you," Hiashi grunted, searching through the papers in front of him. "You chose to become a civilian. Why?"

Sasuke didn't want to answer. He didn't want to be a tool for the village to use, something, someone, expendable. He'd decided to live his life. "I chose to pursue a different path this time. I was told I could change my mind later," Sasuke finally answered, providing as little detail as possible.

"As a shinobi, you would be an obvious asset," Hiashi stated. Still, he continued on. "Your assault charges were dropped, but the fact remains that you attacked another villager, a shinobi, and threatened to kill him. Speak."

Sasuke bristled. No one had addressed him with such disrespect. Hiashi reeked of clan hierarchy and too much worship. "He knows what he did, and I know what he did. My reasons are my own. I don't think we'll have another repeat."

"Noted," Sho said, writing on a scroll. "Do you intend to get a job? Start a family?" Sho had a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "What about that Haruno girl?"

"What I do or don't do with Sakura is none of your business," Sasuke snapped. Choza seemed to agree, because he made a hand motion that halted Sho's writing. "I plan on getting a job. I plan on renovating the compound. I have many plans."

"Are you deceiving or manipulating our Hokage?" Everyone turned to look at Hiashi, well aware of the heaviness of the man's question. Naruto looked furious, while Sasuke had adapted a cold edge to his exterior. Choza went to open his mouth, but Sho took the initiative and motioned the question along.

"No."

"Are you having an affair with the Hokage?" Hiashi fired yet another shocking question.

"Hiashi," Choza tried, cut off by Sho telling Sasuke to answer the question. Hiashi and Sho both seemed to enjoy the pressure they'd applied to the Uchiha.

"No."

"I find that very hard to believe when you've been seen entering and leaving one another's homes at all hours of the night," Hiashi said, his proverbial mask in place.

"Have you been _spying_ on us?" Naruto walked toward the table, fists clenched at his sides. "I tolerate a lot from this council, but I'm not under surveillance. Going through ANBU records doesn't fall under your job description. You aren't Danzo." Sasuke visibly winced, but Naruto continued. "No more questions. He stays or not."

"In favor of him staying?" One hand raised, and it belonged to Choza. Sho smirked.

"Very well," Naruto frowned. "Hiashi, Sho, you are hereby stripped of your positions. Nara Shikamaru and Uchiha Sasuke will be taking your places."

"It doesn't work that way," Choza said, also disappointed with the outcome. "The council serves now until a new Hokage is selected."

"You were all chosen by Baa-chan. I'm Uzumaki Naruto. I'm Hokage now."

"Outrageous! Unspeakable! I've earned this position," Sho declared, rising from his chair.

"Now you've earned a dismissal," Sasuke smirked, mirroring the image Sho had displayed moments before.

Unlike Sho, Hiashi slowly rose from his seat, bowed, and turned to go. Right before he left, he stopped and turned to Naruto. "You will never come close to the man your father was, and you will never earn my daughter's hand in matrimony."

Naruto lunged, but Sasuke wrapped an arm around the blond's waist and anchored him. Sho also wanted to have a last say. He pointed a shaky finger at Naruto and Sasuke. He couldn't come up with any words though, so he left shortly after the puzzling gesture. Only Choza remained. With only the three in the room, Naruto instantly deflated and went to collapse into one of the two vacant seats. Sasuke claimed the remaining seat.

"No one said being Hokage was easy work," Choza smiled, lightly patting Naruto's shoulder, "but if there's anyone who can pull this village together, it's you, _Hokage-sama_." He stood, straightened the papers, and deposited them in front of Sasuke. Most of the papers had questions on them, ones that Hiashi and Sho should have been asking from the very beginning. Right after Choza left, Naruto began to laugh. The laughter came from somewhere dark and ugly, for it sounded bitter.

"I just lost my fiancée." Naruto sighed and rubbed at his face.

"You still have me." Sasuke turned and looked at Naruto, clearly relying on some sense of humor, the same sense of humor that had spurred Naruto into laughter.

"I can't get rid of you." Naruto groaned and balanced on two legs of the chair. When he fell backwards and knocked the wind out of himself, Sasuke got up and looked down at him with a smirk. "Shut up," he wheezed.

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

"Damn right!"

"Don't push your luck, dobe." Sasuke poked Naruto's forehead.

* * *

 **A/N:** There are a few things I want to address: Yes, Sasuke slept with Sakura, but they are never getting together (author's promise, people); yes, we finally know, with a great deal of certainty, that ItaSasu was one-sided (although you can still hope, right?); and yes, SasuNaru is progressing every single time they have their little moments. Also, should I have a set update schedule? I'm curious.

If you have any questions or comments, message me or **review**!


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